I had my monthly OB checkup today. Matt came with me while my mom watched Elisa.
Well, during my checkup, as is routine, the doctor brought the fetal monitor over me, in order to hear Baby Joey's heartbeat. When it picked up a sound, however, both Matt and I looked at each other, thinking that what we heard didn't sound good at all! The doctor moved it to another spot on my abdomen, and it sounded a little better, but still "not right." I didn't know exactly what was wrong as I couldn't see the monitor, but Matt was able to see the numbers: between 85-95 beats per minute. (During previous visits, Joey's heartbeat had been reading more like 160 or so, which is normal.) Matt asked about it, but our doctor was optimistic, saying, "Oh, it's ok; these monitors aren't always accurate." That being said, however, we are definitely wondering what it all means, and whether Joey's heart will actually make it to a live birth or not.
Secondly, my abdomen also measured bigger than normal this time, by about 3cm. What that means is that I could be getting polyhydramnios, which is an abundance of amniotic fluid building up (because the baby's lungs aren't working well enough to swallow it, as a healthy baby would). This condition can cause a number of complications, including early labor and even stillbirth.
What all this means to me is that, despite my own plans for Baby Joey- my birth plan, my plan for meeting and spending time with him in this world, my plan for having him baptized alive-- may or may not be God's plans for Baby Joey and myself. Whatever happens, we definitely believe that Joey is in God's hands; however, we're also realizing that plenty of details might not work out according to our wishes. Seems that in every step of this walk we've been having to let go, more and more. It's so hard, but kind of freeing too-- (as in, if it doesn't work out perfectly, well, it's in God's hands!) It makes me think of Mary and all the challenges of her journey through life with Jesus. Her response to God always is, "Le it be it done unto me, according to Your will."
I found your blog from a post on facebook by a high school friend/Priest asking to pray for your family.
ReplyDeleteI have been praying for you. I have no words of wisdom for you but I want you to know that you make me look at my kids with a more tender heart. May you feel the peace of the Holy Spirit during the difficult times.