Postpartum-- the Surprise of JOY

I know it's been a few weeks since my last blog post.  I started this one a while ago but, for some reason, I've had a terrible time finishing it.  Words are just inadequate.

How are we doing in the aftermath of baby Joey's birth and death? Surprisingly..... Wonderful. Joyful. Grateful. In Awe, (at the mystery of life and love).  I want to shout it from the rooftops; I can't believe God's goodness to us.  In the short moments of Joey's little life, I discovered that having a baby with anencephaly wasn't a curse at all; it was a gift.  Joey didn't really need us (i.e. his little life was already destined for Heaven), but we sure needed him.  And now we're forever changed.    

I know that I couldn't believe it... I didn't believe it... when I read so many stories of moms in similar circumstances, and how they would not trade this experience for anything in the world.  The stories of joy, hope, consolation, the gift of life that the child brought to the mother, were positively incredible.  I didn't think it was possible to find so much joy and peace in this difficult situation, in the midst of intense suffering and loss.

And yet, here I am, and now I'm starting to get it.  These past few weeks have been incredible-- absolutely, positively, life-changing.  (I feel as if I've gained a hundred years in wisdom and understanding, about the meaning of life.)  I, too, can now say that I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world.  I feel so immensely blessed that I was chosen to be little Joey's mom.  From the time of diagnosis, I knew I was embracing a cross, and all I could see before me were the tears and suffering involved.  I knew that I had a burden to bear, but I had no idea it was going to turn into the most incredible gift, and possibly the best experience of my life.  

In the bigger picture of life, I know that I really couldn't, (and didn't), do that much for little Joey.  True, I chose to face some "avoidable" suffering, in order to continue the pregnancy and give birth.  At times, it was so hard.  I was uncomfortable, discouraged, heartbroken.  But, what I've gained from the experience is unreal, an immense gift, and made it worthwhile 100 times over.  I allowed love to triumph.  It didn't change Joey; it changed me.

And that's all the words I have. I will try to elaborate in future posts, but for now, I just feel gratitude for the chance to share in Joey's little life.  Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of little Joey shared with our family!

To Joey, I want to say, "Happy 3 weeks in Heaven, little man!  =) We love you and miss you very much.  Don't forget to pray for mommy, daddy, Elisa, and all our friends!" 

Guest Post: Attending to Details for Joey

Dear Friends,

Many of you already know the story of Baby Joey.  In the middle of their pregnancy, Matt and Marie Howe learned their precious baby boy was not going to live very long on earth once he was born.  Joseph Matthew Howe entered and left this world on October 23, 2012 after spending a little over an hour with his family.

The Howes are overjoyed at being Joey’s parents, having him baptized and confirmed, and being so intimately connected with a little saint in Heaven.  Their beautiful perspective on this whole experience is a testament to God’s ability to work through suffering and the power or prayer.  We serve a good God. 

We ourselves have been encouraged, challenged—and at times—moved to tears at the witness to life that the Howes are. We want to contribute in a small way to the life of saint Joey and lift part of the financial burden off of the Howe family.  We have heard from a lot of people who are interested in helping too.

Matt and Marie have offered us the opportunity to attend to a small detail of Joey’s life and form a closer connection to our newest intercessor. Would you like to help us pay for the grave marker for Joseph Matthew?

Your contribution would honor the loving sacrifices they have made and their “yes” to God.  We can’t help but think of Joey asking graces to be poured out for the love extended to him and his family.

If you wish to contribute, you can give online through the Paypal link on the right.

Please continue to lift up their family in prayer.  The blessings are just beginning!  Joseph Matthew, pray for us!

 In Christ,

Jennifer Sands and Carrie  Schmitt

P.S. If you do wish to contribute, please include your address so they can personally thank you.

Happy All Saint's Day!

We have a super-busy weekend ahead, but I just wanted to stop by and wish all of you a HAPPY ALL SAINT'S DAY!!   This has been the most beautiful and blessed All Saint's Day I've ever experienced.  We feel so incredible blessed to be little Joey's parents, and also to have a son in heaven, who can intercede for all of us!  I wanted to write a big long post on how well we're doing, how blessed we feel, and how God has really turned our tears into joy in the past week... but goodness, I've just run out of time today!

I'll definitely write more next week, but I just want to leave you with knowing that we are all doing very, very, well and feel God's presence so immensely it's indescribable.  God bless you all, have a happy All Saint's Day, and thank you so much for all the prayers!

Favorite Photos with Baby Joey

Joey's Birthday & Funeral Services

Dearest Friends,

Our little baby boy, Joseph Matthew Howe, was born early Tuesday morning, Oct. 23^rd at 5:22am.  He weighed 2lbs 10.8oz and was 14.5 inches tall.  Joey lived for approx. 88 minutes before quietly passing into the arms of our Heavenly Father.  He was able to receive baptism and confirmation immediately following birth, from our dear priest and friend, Fr. Jerome Zeiler.  Although Joey came earlier than expected, we knew he had anencephaly and were prepared for his short life on this Earth.  After his diagnosis around 20 weeks, we made the decision to carry and love him as long as possible, and we have been blessed in so many unimaginable ways because of it.  On the day of Joey’s birth, we were blessed with a perfect day, and all our little prayers were answered beautifully--  I had a safe and natural labor and delivery; my waters remained intact until the last minute, so there was minimal stress on Joey’s head; Joey was born alive, (and even wiggling); big sister Elisa was there to meet and hold her brother alive; our parents were there to help us celebrate Joey’s life, as well as his passing into Heaven; Matt and I were blessed with an abundance of grace to appreciate and enjoy each moment, including the whole rest of the day, just cuddling and making memories with Joey; but most importantly, we were so immensely blessed to have Joey baptized and confirmed in the very first precious moments of his life!  Thank you all for your many, many prayers and support through this difficult yet blessed time in our lives.  For those of you interested in reading about Joey’s story, http://beforeiformedyou.blogspot.com/

Funeral Services for Joseph Matthew Howe will be as follows:

Friday, Oct. 26^th, 6-8pm, visitation at Mueller Parker Funeral Home (6791 Tylersville Rd. Mason, OH 45040)

Saturday, Oct. 27^th, 10:00am, Funeral Mass at St. Maximilian Kolbe Catholic Parish (5720 Hamilton Mason Rd. Liberty Township, OH 45011) Luncheon immediately following in the parish center.

Monday, Oct. 29^th, 10:00am, small burial service at Gates of Heaven Catholic Cemetery (11000 Montgomery Rd. Cincinnati, OH 45249)

If anyone is interested in helping with items for the Saturday luncheon, please contact Carol Heuser (513) 777-4322 (ext 104).  

Medical Update- 10/9/2012

I know it's been a while since I've posted. My daughter has been sick all week and we've had so many things going on.  That being said, on Tuesday of this week we had an ultrasound, doctor's appt, and a meeting with the hospital staff where I'll be giving birth, and so I have quite a few medical updates to pass on.

1. Heartbeat- Baby Joey's heartbeat seems to be back in the normal range- Praise the Lord! =)  During our ultrasound and at the doctor's office, Joey's heartbeat was registering in the 140's, so the low readings from 2 weeks ago may have been just a fluke. Anyhow, that was great news.

2. Weight- Based on ultrasound measurements of Joey's stomach and leg bone, the technician estimates Joey's current weight to be right around 3lbs.

3. Pictures- We got some really cute pictures of Joey at the ultrasound.  It appears that Joey has no additional (visible) birth defects, although many babies with anencephaly also have cleft palates, etc. He also has perfectly formed hands and feet, but he kept wiggling so much, it was tough to get any still pictures! (Oh, yes.. and he's still a boy!) The tech also gave us a free DVD of the ultrasound, which will be a lovely memento down the road.

4. Amniotic Fluid- I certainly have more than enough amniotic fluid present, as I pretty much suspected (based on how I feel/look at only 7 months!) According to our ultrasound tech, the peak amount of amniotic fluid in a normal pregnancy is 25, and then begins to go down as the baby gets close to delivery.  My number currently is 41, and will not likely go down, but could continue to build up further. The reason I have too much fluid is that Baby Joey isn't swallowing it the way a healthy baby would, so it means his lungs most likely aren't working very well either.  This is a typical occurrence for babies with anencephaly. ("41 what?" you might want to ask. Apparently, the numbers don't correspond to anything we know... ounces, grams, mL, etc. So, I guess.. 41 AFU (amniotic fluid units?))

5. Healthy Mama- My health is doing well, however. Good blood pressure, etc.  I've just been getting more and more uncomfortable on a daily basis, feeling like I'm 9 months pregnant instead of 7, so I've been lying low for the past few weeks now. (I prescribed a self-induced, partial bed rest for myself lately!)  At least I now feel justified in feeling 9 months pregnant, since my doctor says I'm definitely measuring the size of full term already.

6. Likely Early Labor- The above being said, there is also a good risk that I'll be going into spontaneous labor earlier than my due date (which is Dec 20th).  Apparently, any day now is a possibility.  As my body continues to feel full term, there's a good chance it will just say, "time to come out, baby!"  I feel at peace about the situation, either way.  It's uncomfortable feeling 9 months pregnant, but it's sweet to feel Baby Joey's wiggles, loving him, and knowing that he's safe for now.  On the other hand, if God is ready to call him home earlier than expected, I feel at peace about God's timing too.  (Regardless, I realize I better be getting my things ready to go!)

7. Natural Birth Center- At the hospital where I'll be giving birth, there is a natural birth center area, (which is where I delivered Elisa.) It's much more "home-like" than a hospital room, has a birthing tub, a family room for waiting family, etc.  I was originally told I couldn't give birth there due to Joey's condition.  However, on Tuesday at the hospital meeting, I found out that I now have special permission to birth there anyways (regardless of whether I go into labor early).  I was really happy about that news, as the thought of the hospital atmosphere really stressed me out, and this area is much, much, more calming and welcoming.

8. Lots of Contractions- On the subject of delivery, I've been feeling loads of contractions lately.  Last night, for example, I was so uncomfortable after going to bed, I decided to just get up and go downstairs.  My abdomen was so tight and uncomfortable, that I finally realized that I was having contractions. They actually continued regularly for quite some time, and it occurred to me that I might need to think about timing them! Wowser.  Well, they did continue on for some time, but then finally went away. (If you're reading this and not familiar with pregnancy, early contractions are normal for any pregnancy, called Braxton-Hicks.  I just don't remember ever feeling them so early or so frequently with Elisa.)    

Well, that's all the medical updates I can think of for now.  I have a lot of other reflections on the past two weeks, but I'll just have to share those when I can.  For now, we're in good spirits and just facing each day as it comes.  Thank you all for sharing in this journey with us, and thank you for all the prayers! =)  

Facing Yet Another Cross

The time has come in this pregnancy to face yet another cross. I've been dreading this one ever since the first day of finding out our sweet baby's terminal diagnosis- the time of pregnancy when everyone asks you all about it!  Now that I'm 28 weeks, and clearly showing, it seems that pretty much everyone feels inspired to discuss it with me.  At church, in the grocery store, in the library, at the chiropractor's- you name it, if I'm there, people are ready to talk about it.

Due to the fact that I have a 16 month old as well, she usually helps to start the conversation rolling, and it pretty much goes like this..."Oh what a cute daughter you have!  How old is she?  Is she your first?  And I see you're expecting again!  Do you know what you're having?  When are you due?

That part I can handle.  If it ends there, it's easy enough to just smile and go on.  The hard part is that people typically throw in a final blanket statement before they walk away, like... "Oh, you're going to have your hands full!"  Or, "My daughter had two that were only 16 months apart and it was awful!! Wish you luck!" Or, "So close? Oh, they're going to be the best of friends!"

Truth is, every blanket statement just makes it hurt more.  The fact is, not only am I not going to have my hands full; I'm going to have painfully empty arms come Dec/Jan.  Or, how I wish I had better luck than the mother with 2 healthy children, only 16 months apart.  And yes, thanks for reminding how much Elisa, who loves babies and kids, is going to miss out on having a sibling and playmate close in age.

Sigh. Yet another cross to offer up, and then cry about when I get home.  This whole experience of suffering with our Baby Joey had caused me to reflect on Jesus' road to Calvary so much.  I feel like I've gotten past my own little "Agony in the Garden," (as in... Pleeease, take this cup away from me), and gotten to the point of at least accepting this cross as God will for me.  Each day is hard, though, like today when I ran into yet another pregnancy commentator at the grocery store.  It makes me think of Jesus' suffering, and His prayer, "Father forgive them; they know not what they do/(say)."